Love is a Choice

About the Course

Love is a choice

Letting go of unhealthy relationships can open the door to new decisions, greater freedom, and the possibility of choosing love again.

Do you feel trapped in a pattern of trying to please everyone, only to end the day with guilt?

Do you and your spouse seem locked in a constant struggle for control, with no clear sense of who is winning or losing?

Do you have the feeling that something essential is missing from your life?

Do your life patterns keep repeating through cycles of destruction and the loss of resources and relationships?

Are you still living out the same behaviors you learned as a child?

Do you struggle to love and receive love from yourself, from others, and from God?

Some people cannot identify what thoughts or issues leave them feeling so desperate. Others know where their pain comes from, but need support to move through it. Although unhealthy behaviors and hopelessness may be shared by many, each person carries a unique history that has shaped these patterns.

Do you recognize yourself in some of these co-dependent behaviors?

• I cannot stand being alone
• I am a perfectionist
• I rely on the approval of others
• I feel desperate when I do not receive approval
• I make decisions based on how they affect others and rarely consider myself
• I often feel consumed by the need for total order in my life
• I put work first above everything else
• I adapt to my spouse’s needs instead of expressing my own feelings
• I do not experience anger
• I overeat often
• I am constantly wondering what others think of me
• I hide my feelings so no one can see what I really think
• I am always trying to stay ahead in my relationships
• I cover my self-doubt with drugs or alcohol
• I cannot say no when asked to serve on a committee or do a favor
• When I begin to feel sad or angry, I go shopping, work harder, or eat
• I tell myself it should not hurt so much when others let me down
• I need to control those close to me
• I need everyone to be happy with me so I can feel good about myself

If these situations feel familiar, you may be co-dependent. Co-dependents often rely on alcohol or drugs, money, work, food, or sexuality to feel happy — or they love someone who does.

The program helps you step back, examine your life, and deal with co-dependency in a practical way. It is designed to help you break the cycle and become free to make new choices — free to choose love.

This 10-day intensive retreat is based on Biblical recovery principles. Through questions, self-tests, exercises, and journaling, it offers interactive methods that support healing from the pain behind codependency. Codependency, or enslavement to people, behavior patterns, and addictive agents, is rooted in lies and deception that keep us bound to the past.

As the retreat works toward the restoration of soul and body, it also includes a parallel path of deeper spiritual growth. This process uses spiritual disciplines and exercises to strengthen and activate the spirit. You will learn how to activate the gateways of body, soul, and spirit so you can walk in relationship with God and pursue the responsibilities and authority given to you for your life.

Your Instructors

Jacques and Hanneke Truter

Jacques and Hanneke Truter left their careers in finance, research, and change management in 2000 to establish Beulah Christian Retreat, dedicating themselves to helping people move from guilt and shame into a fuller understanding of who they were created to be. Married for 37 years and parents of three children, they bring together professional experience in HR, risk management, and clinical/biostatistical research with a gentle coaching style that guests describe as safe, non-preaching, and deeply personal. One participant shared, “They were a safe place... I felt led into truth in the most gentle of ways.” They lead healing and restoration seminars and offer a place to rest and refocus at Beulah Christian Retreat in the mountains near Wellington, South Africa.