Ruger Hebert

For most of my adult life, I battled with depression, unhappiness, and a profound dissatisfaction with existence. Despite trying various therapies, medications, and self-help strategies, I never found the breakthrough I desperately sought.  A lack of results gave rise to self-medicating coping mechanisms like drugs, pornography, sex, and the biggest for me – alcohol.  The more they didn’t work the more the feeling of hopelessness grew. This feeling of despair translated into two rehabs and three hospitalizations for suicidal ideation over the course of my life. However, I was still searched for an answer.  It was during a stable period that my therapist suggested I try  ayahuasca, connecting me with Humberto and his remarkable group of individuals.

Before sharing my first ayahuasca experience, it’s crucial to acknowledge that each person’s journey is  unique, and every encounter with the medicine yields different results.

At the time, I held atheistic beliefs rooted in my engineering background, maintaining a perspective that life simply consisted of living, suffering, and dying. Despite my skepticism, I embarked on my first ayahuasca ceremony. However, for the first 3.5 hours, I felt nothing, while witnessing others laugh, cry, or enter altered states.  Feelings of doubt and hopeless crept in, so I decided to journal about a traumatic experience involving my father, questioning whether anything would work for me. Sensing my frustration, an amazing individual approached me, and said “I’m a healer, can I help you?

I immediately thought to myself, “healer”? Bullshit. But, I had nothing to lose. I put my journal down, and she took my hand. The very first thing she said to me was “Wow, you’re really channeling your dad right now.” This time I didn’t hold back on my thoughts, I said it out loud “bullshit, you saw me write in my journal.” She calmly explained, “first of all it’s dark in here, second I don’t have my glasses on.” Third, she put a blindfold on. She proceeded to tell me specific details about the experience with my father, as well as a litany of other things that happened in my life. I was silent through the entire experience, and considered that perhaps I had been wrong about beliefs my entire life. Desperately seeking an explanation, my mind rationalized that I had also told the therapist, who recommended I try ayahuasca, all of these things. In that exact moment, the “healer” mentioned something that had happened, the previous day, in my car, completely alone. In that moment, I felt like all the walls around my brain exploded. The flood gates opened, I began to cry, I felt an extreme sense of humility and gratitude. I felt a divine, loving connection, and I realized that there is more to life than I thought. This marked the beginning of my transformative journey.

Since that momentous experience, everything has changed. I have participated in monthly ceremonies and even attended a multi-day retreat in Mexico. This profound shift led me to leave a comfortable job and pursue a path of helping others. Ayahuasca did not magically solve my problems, but it illuminated the path I needed to follow. I still have work to do, but I am now motivated and guided by a sense of purpose. Fear no longer paralyzes me as it once did. I am filled with gratitude, empathy, fearlessness, and love. My outlook on life has become positive, and I eagerly anticipate the future. Together with Shaman Humberto Alcala and the dedicated staff at the Finca, we are committed to supporting you on your own transformative journey.